Kage Alan Blog

You’ve met three of my incredibly talented and delightfully breasted fellow authors from the Butt Pirates in Space anthology, so it’s high time you met the one with the plums, the rocks, the nads, nuggets, Cracker Jacks, stones, kerbangers, marbles, tenders, Pelotas, family jewels, gems, cojones, incredibly endowed package, manjigglies, Man tonsils, Knackers, love spuds, hanging brain, or otherwise known as balls. That would be moi.
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When author Kiernan Kelly talks, E.F. Hutton listens. E.F. Hutton didn’t listen once, but he was quickly tied up, tickled, whipped and otherwise politely influenced to listen to her. It was either that or there wouldn’t be an orifice on his body that wouldn’t be prodded before it was poked. He learned. And he enjoyed it! But enough about ol’ E.F. We’re here to talk about Kiernan.

If there’s a mother figure for our group of scurvy Butt Pirates, it’s her. She gently pushes us, keeps everybody in the loop, lets us know when we’re lacking, and threatens to pour hot wax on our sensitive nether regions if we don’t comply. Suffice to say that we learned to listen, too.
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I love writing sequels, which is why I’ve already got a second episode of the Spacehunters series in mind. However, one thing I hadn’t considered that fellow author Angelia Sparrow did was the serial. What an absolutely perfect idea for an anthology like Butt Pirates in Space, which is meant to encompass a throwback to the science fiction days of yore with a camp sensibility! And who better to tell you about her latest, Pride of the Rangers, and what she wants it to bring to the Butt Pirates universe?
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Happy Monday to you! Kage here and VERY much looking forward to an exciting week. Why? Because not only is my bum still completely flawless and a sight to behold…and, you know, actually hold, but the Butt Pirates in Space anthology was released! I am one of five authors contained in this classic, gay, campy romp through the Science Fiction universe and I thought it might be fun to ask the contributors if they’d like to offer up a little behind-the-scenes scoop on how their story came to be. First up, the lovely, adorably Heavenly Shae Connor about her story, “What to Expect When Your Boyfriend Is Expecting.”
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This past Tuesday finds another checkmark on the list of things I’ve been waiting to come to pass. Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot received its first official DVD release and will sit with honor next to my Ultraman DVD set. Oh, the horror stories my poor parents could tell you about my afterschool routine not being complete unless it included an episode of either show. I could have been reading. I could have been doing homework. I could have been playing sports. (sigh) But no, I wasn’t. And I have no regrets about that or any other way I spent my childhood. It was all about the imagination with me back then and it’s because of this that I’m the writer I am today.
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The Following Blog Post Trailer Has Been Approved For All Audiences: (cue dramatic announcer’s voice) In a world full of deceit, empty spaces on the shelf where Twinkies used to be sold, juvenile sex jokes, and Publisher’s Weekly nauseating authors the world over with their naming of E.L. James as Person of the Year for Fifty Shades of Grey, two men dare defy the odds! One straight and one really, really, really super not, they reunite over a snowy and somewhat dismally overcast rainy weekend to test the strength of the bond they forged twent…a couple of years ago during college. They’re authors and while writing flows through their blood like batshit crazy does Ann Coulter’s, the universe has recently been unkind to them…for the last year, really. And they’ve had enough! The time to change the course of…the temporal length of their existence in relation to their writer’s block has come! Join the adventure as two friends sit on their asses and type away on laptops (not each others) and do what they do best; Amuse…The…World…!
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I had a rather intriguing conversation last week with someone who contacted me and asked if I wrote intimate scenes in my books. Provided I did, he wanted to know–since I’m in a relationship that could be described as multicultural–how I described those scenes and if they also happened to be multicultural. That’s quite a mouthful and I’m not even referring to any of the real life scenarios those alleged intimate scenes might be based on. He told me he was ethnically Chinese and fairly turned off by most of the stories he’s found online or took a chance on in print. I asked him why. Because whether the stories he read were gay or straight, they were written in such a way that called complete and ridiculous attention to the character’s ethnicity and not the act of intimacy. I know not about such things. I’m one half of an old married couple who doesn’t believe in reading or writing about the pleasures of the flesh–bullshit alert!–so I came out of retirement and decided to investigate.
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Being a writer is extremely taxing, very difficult, and borderline excruciating work. It really is. The writing part is easy, though I’ve been told by friends that you really don’t even need talent for it. How else can you explain Twilight or Fifty Shades of Grey? That’s according to them, my friends. I’ve never read the books. I also don’t have any plans to read them and that’s okay. Stephenie Meyer and E.L. James have never read mine either, so we’re good. Besides, these same friends tell me that the use of a real plot and interesting characters all written in the grammatically correct English language would confuse them. By them, they mean the authors. Notice how PC and specific I am about this? It’s in case I ever run into these people–and by people I mean the authors–and have to explain my comments. Hey, I said they haven’t read me. I never said they didn’t know who I am. Who doesn’t? Which brings us to our point in today’s post; How To Create The Persona of an Author!

We’ve been doing it for years. And by we, I mean us, real authors. We’ve also got it down to a few fairly simple rules. Are you ready? Here we go…
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I never liked it when a story ended and there wasn’t a sequel. As a child, I wanted more. As a young adult who’s just barely old enough to know more than some of the dipshits running around today, I still want more. Well, less of the dipshits and more of the stories. I once approached director Charles Band and politely asked if he’d allow me to write a sequel to Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn. He never did give me an answer, so I suspect that was an answer. Personally, I think I’m qualified and I’d have delivered a respectably exciting novel! I also wanted to write a sequel to Megaforce and Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone. Those haven’t happened yet, but I did recently take my first foray into Science Fiction writing with a short story titled Spacehunters: Master Elite and the Maternal Order of Loganites Beyond Uranus. It’s for the Butt-Pirates In Space anthology. I’m guessing you figured out it’s a comedy, BUT–not butt–you’d never guess what the story was originally going to be about!
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The hubs called me up Sunday morning and told me in no uncertain terms that I had to watch the first episode of The Newsroom. I really don’t have time to get involved in another series, but he said he would wait to watch the other episodes–provided I liked it–with me. We haven’t done that in a long time. Intrigued, I sat down and watched the premier and was pretty well spellbound. The character Jeff Daniels plays is an ass, but what he says to a college student in the beginning is something we’ve needed to have said to us for a long time coming. He (the character) has played it so safe in the news without really taking a stance on any point for so long that, watching this, I realized it’s something I’ve struggled with as a writer.
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