The Closing of the Year (2017)

I woke up this morning (Sunday) after realizing I smelled my father’s cologne. He wore a specific scent as far back as I can remember, and I’ve always associated it with him. Mom hasn’t felt dad’s presence since he passed away. I have from time to time. A couple of action flicks played on the Blu-Ray player the last two evenings, so I figure he came around for a little father/son film time. There may have been another reason.

Their house…mom’s house now…is pretty bare. Most everything has been moved to the new house. Dad’s chair remains in the living room. She never has been fond of it, but the real estate guy said it helps sell a house if there are a few pieces of furniture there to help potential buyers to see where things might go. Well, dad’s chair is covered in a tarp while the painter does his work. Maybe dad stopped by because he wondered why his chair sat in an empty room with a tarp over it. I can understand his concern.

Honestly, I thought I would have a difficult time letting go of the house I grew up in. I’m not. Maybe it’s because of how topsy-turvy this year has been. Between you and me, it’s been a fucked up year and something else I don’t mind leaving behind. Heck, I’m lucky I got the Christmas tree up two weeks ago. It’s even now decorated. As of last Friday anyway. And tonight? I made out my first five Christmas cards. There won’t be many more, but there are these.

I listened to my first bit of Christmas music today too. By choice, that is. Damn near cried. I do love some Susan Boyle. Sadly, my mood absolutely hasn’t been helped with the news a tremendous family friend in Chicago is having additional complications post-surgery. This may very well turn out to be year five of someone close passing away. 5 right hooks, each one a knockdown. Combine this latest hit with the first two bills from my visit to the ER last month and 2017 is going out with a delightful insidious snicker. I salute 2017 with my middle finger.

Ralph has started his new job as CIO for a company and things are apparently going nicely there for him. Hey, a positive! My own job at the hospital continues to humble me and open my eyes in ways I didn’t expect. The folks I work with are a huge positive. They’ve lovely, actually. Underpaid, but lovely. But underpaid.

This post almost didn’t get written, but a lovely card from Wade Kelly today with some extraordinary kind words made me sit down and get some thoughts typed out. Thank you, Wade. Much appreciated.

So, enough of my crap for a year, don’t you think? Allow me to wish you all an early—but still heartfelt—Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for sticking around. Thank you for the friendship, the messages, the humanity, and allowing me to walk next to you in life. And I’m sorry for all those who I’ve let down this year. You have to admit, when I do something, I go all out.

Much love and hugs,

Kristoffer (and Ralph too, I’m sure)

PS Hey, Eden Winters? I didn’t use the word “was” one bloody time in this post! Now if I can only do that in one of my books. Minus dialogue, of course.


Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the novella Falling Awake (also to be re-published under his real name), and the upcoming Falling Awake II: Revenant.

10 Responses to “The Closing of the Year (2017)”

  1. Jeff says:

    You are loved!

  2. Patricia Hebel says:

    It will get better. Change is always hard.

  3. Ann Alaskan says:

    Wishing you and Ralph a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! May at least one day of 2017 be good to you! It’s been a tumultuous year for everyone .. especially those in our posse of friends. But our banded & bonded chosen brothers & sisters are still supporting and loving each other. We never have to feel alone. Hoping your friend is recovering. Let’s hope that 2018 will see us still together & thriving! In this season .. Peace and Love to Both of you from Alaska

    • Kristoffer says:

      My friend has been fond of saying lately “only the good die young.” I’ve had every intention of sending her flowers once she recovered with a card that reads “The good may die young, but the best ones stick around a while longer.” I may not get the chance. She also has a thing about getting the last word in. Was hoping to foil that too.

  4. Christel Reges says:

    Happy Winter Solstice, Kris! Always good to hear your voice ( as I always do when I read your words. The last few years have been SOBs. Onward (middle finger raised)!

  5. Judy Reed says:

    This has been a hell of a year so sorry yours went south too miss seeing you on line

  6. Katherine Trick says:

    Merry Christmas, Kris (and Ralph, too). Life can suck, sometimes, but it has It’s good moments, too. Some are even great moments. I truly believe the sucky moments happen so that when the great ones come around we truly appreciate them. I think the same applies to friends, too. You are a great one Kris. You may feel you’ve disappointed some people, but don’t be so hard on yourself. You are a good person.
    May your holidays be good and your 2018 great. Hugs!

  7. Wade says:

    And the post made me cry. Thanks. :p
    This year has sucked for me too, with three deaths in the family. We DID have one birth and one wedding, but those deaths were very hard. Looking at my mom & dad’s house probably feels the same for me as you. My brother still lives there, but everything that was them, sits in a dusty pile. No life, no joy, just emptiness. We are dealing with her “estate” now and I hope it is resolved by June 2018. I would never want to relive 2017 again.
    I am proud to be your friend and so very glad you liked my card 😀 Meeting you in person last year was one of the highlights! I look forward to seeing you again for a real hug!
    Much love sent to you!

  8. Vincent Ravencroft says:

    Merry Yule and Happy New Year, Kris & Ralph! May 2018 be a great year for you two!

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