Archive for January, 2016|Monthly archive page

A Pre-Birthday Message For My Husband

Thursday, January 28th, 2016

Dear Ralph,

Your birthday is coming up soon and since I won’t be able to see you that day, I thought I’d share some private thoughts…publicly! Yes, I know. I’m living up to your favorite nickname for me; “What’s Wrong With You?” Well, do you remember a week or two after we started dating when you asked me point blank “How do I know you’re ‘the one’?” However I answered, there was no way to tell you almost 21 years ago what we now know today. What is that? Let’s see if we can figure it out.

How NOT To Vacation In Milan

Tuesday, January 26th, 2016

An Admission
When my husband calls and says “Hey, your Little Brother just found a really awesome price on round trip tickets to Milan for a mileage run. Do you want to go?”, I say “Yes!” For those of you who aren’t sure what a mileage run is, it’s when you find cheap fares that allow you to accumulate a whole lot of miles to help with your status on a certain airline. I’ve never gone on a mileage run, but the hubs and Little Brother have. My father was still alive when the Milan trip was planned, so I thought it would be a really good opportunity to get away for a short time. Had I been asked after dad passed, I would have politely declined and waited. It was too soon. And that wasn’t the hub’s or Little Brother’s fault. It was mine. And while I knew I wasn’t in the mind frame to go, I went anyway because I didn’t want to let anybody down.

Kids Wouldn’t Need Guns If They Had More Giant Robots

Thursday, January 21st, 2016

I blame author Atom Yang for this blog post. Typically, at least once year, I bring up an old television show I grew up watching and absolutely idolized. Okay, let’s be honest…I bring it up a couple times a year, but I haven’t so far in 2016. Until now. And for that I blame Atom Yang. He made mention of Giant Robot in a recent blog post of his own and, well, that was enough to get me going about the show. Do you remember it at all? Its full title was Johnny Sokko & His Flying Robot. Anyway, Atom’s post brought up an unusual tangent for me, and one that I absolutely never considered before; as a kid, I idolized a kid on TV who was armed with and fired a gun each week.

How They All Connect

Monday, January 18th, 2016

2015 came to a thud of a close, didn’t it? Well, maybe not for you, but it certainly did for me. I lost two people who I cared about in the last two months of the year and I was kinda done with the Grim Reaper. Sadly, just because I was done with him didn’t mean he was quite done with all of us. The bugger’s sickle needed some sharpening, I think. My freshman year English professor once told us “We’re all going to die, but we never think it’s going to be us, that we’ll be the one who lives forever.” If that’s true, and it might be more true than false, that means some of you are going to have to go, just not the ones who’ve gone recently.

How To Annoy Your Asian: Part 2

Thursday, January 14th, 2016

Nothing irks a gay Asian more than when the white man (or gweilo) he has blessed by choosing him above all others turns his master’s knowledge against him. We gweilos don’t do this out of nastiness, vengeance, or any other unsavory reason. We do it because it tickles us in our special place. And quite often our Asian deserves a reminder that they only look young, rich and powerful because white people age like shit, are forced to use coupons, and understand how bragging about how dominating and mighty our Asian is will result in a trip to Best Buy for Blu-Rays on New Release Tuesday.

Fired For Being An A$$hole Outside Of Work

Monday, January 11th, 2016

I think we can all agree the world is full of colorful people, and I’m not referring to race when I say this. I’m referring to personalities. Some are bright, some are a bit dull, some are dark as feces and act like it, and then everything in between. We feel unhindered in sharing a joke, expressing an opinion, desiring our privacy, or—for those who enjoy behaving like one—being an asshole. Some believe it is our God-given right to be an asshole. The reason doesn’t have to make sense to the rest of the world as long as it makes sense to us. I’m really not in a position to argue that point at this time, but I am curious about something I’ll call a controversial consequence of being an asshole, the losing of one’s job for it when the person has acted like a bottom feeding bag of shit outside of work.

This Man + Travel = Fatigued Beyotch

Thursday, January 7th, 2016

Have you ever heard of hodophobia? It’s the fear of road travel. I don’t suffer from it in case you’re wondering. Or siderodromophobia? That’s the fear of trains, railroads, or train travel. I don’t suffer from that either. They just aren’t interesting enough for me to even try and develop a phobia for, plus my plate is full enough trying to deal with my current idiosyncronicities. Believe it or not, travel is a problem for me. Well, more specifically, travel by plane. I’m not afraid of planes. It’s nothing like that. But I am absolutely physically exhausted from the flight after I land.

What Exactly Happened?

Monday, January 4th, 2016

A friend asked if I was going to make any New Year’s resolutions for 2016. I can’t say that I was and I can’t say that I did. Resolutions have a unique way of being chucked by the wayside and forgotten, something I’m guilty of. There are things I want to accomplish in 2016 and I’m going to try, but I’d rather focus on what I do manage to accomplish rather than what I failed to do since the scales don’t always balance out. I used to—from a very early age—make one resolution; to annoy as many people as possible. Why? Because it amused me. The weird thing is if I choose a random year from my childhood, there is so little in common with it compared to the year we just left.