Archive for March, 2014|Monthly archive page

The Lifelines That Bind Us

Monday, March 31st, 2014

They say you can never go home again. There’s a whole lot more to that than one might actually first consider. Our initial reaction is to think about the home we associate with our childhood—or associate most with if we lived in multiple homes. I used to think I wanted to move back in and live into my childhood home. Not so much anymore. I’m quite content where I’m at. Then there’s high school. No problems leaving that place behind. Then there’s college. That’s a place I actually miss, but not the way it is now. I miss the way it was then and the only way I’m ever going to see it that way again is to revisit those memories. It’s all about the journey, right? We move forward in the linear stream we call time in all its various eddies and currents. We also anchor ourselves with lifelines from family and friends during our journey that keep us afloat and help steer us true. Sometimes they break.

The Face of Gay 53 (Tim M.)

Saturday, March 29th, 2014

It’s still more common than not that we want our parents’ approval, at least during our formative years. We look up to them, learn from them–good lessons and not so good, and try to live up to the expectations they set. Then, somewhere in all of this, we struggle to create and follow our own agenda and life.

Our parents will always be our parents, only we come to see them differently the older we get. They also start to see us in a new light, too. Welcome to Tim M’s Face of Gay.

Everybody Has an Opinion About Alzheimer’s

Thursday, March 27th, 2014

My mother and I are diligent about sharing articles with each other when we come upon something interesting about Alzheimer’s. And there are a lot of articles out there—some good and some not so much. It’s safe to say we’ve given up the hope of ever reading about a real cure on the horizon or at least in what’s left of my father’s lifetime. That’s just not going to happen. But coping? Even the articles that aren’t particularly helpful are still more helpful than the usual advice people who don’t live with someone with Alzheimer’s dole out. I’m not a fan of violence, but the next time I hear “Just be patient,” I’m going to bitchslap them.

Creepy Lurkers and Other People Who Use Budget Airlines & Public Transportation

Monday, March 24th, 2014

Silence can be the most horrifying sound in the world, can’t it? No, make that terrifying. I know. I almost screamed and suffered heart palpitations because of it yesterday afternoon. And I realize this is an absolutely awful thing to admit, but…(sigh)…I flew via a budget airlines to NYC and back for the weekend. Anyway, the call of nature sounded while at the budget terminal and I was forced to use a public restroom. Someone entered the stall next to mine and, well, there was silence. You’re with me, right? You know where this is going? Exactly. They didn’t take out one of those ass protectors and put it down on the toilet seat before they started doing their business! Ew! Icky! This would SO never happen in a Delta terminal bathroom.

But this merely represented the end of what I was forced to endure during my 72 hours away from home.

The Politics of Being Gay Today

Thursday, March 20th, 2014

I had my taxes done this week. Typically, I say ‘I did my taxes this week,’ but this year was such a clusterfuck that I had to enlist outside help. Problems this year didn’t exist last year because the federal government wasn’t recognizing our marriage. The state wasn’t either. Big surprise, right? But then the Supreme Court ruled sections of DOMA unconstitutional and the government stepped up to the plate. They would recognize the marriage between my husband and I (along with all the other gay couples who got married, not just ours…not that we aren’t special because we are, but I digress). However, the state of Michigan is still refusing to recognize it. Again, big surprise, right? But it gets even more complicated than this.

F**k it…I’m Doing It My Way

Monday, March 17th, 2014

Do you believe self-reflection is good for the soul? If so, the sheer amount of it I’ve been doing over the past couple of weeks has given mine the scrubbing of its life. Sadly, I’m still not sure how clean it is and you know the gays; we like it clean, even when it’s dirty. There’s been a reoccurring motif I’ve noticed while doing this whole self-reflection thing and that’s I’m not a leader. I’m very okay with this because I’m also not a follower. My path in life has fallen outside these circles, but with some overlap. There are times people follow what I do—which they do of their own accord and are free to come and go as they please—and there are times I go along with what someone else is doing because it suits me. This is not only how I’ve conducted myself in my personal life and my author life, but also in my day job life.

The Face of Gay 52 (Robert Kingett)

Saturday, March 15th, 2014

It’s not uncommon when writing a book to introduce some angst into a character’s life or have them come from a place of angst. The thing is we tend to limit the angst because we can’t imagine much more than we’ve given that character. And when we meet someone in real life who comes from a place of angst greater than anything we’ve ever encountered or imagined, we say “I couldn’t have written that if I tried.”

Such is the case today. Whatever you think you’ve experienced that’s held you back in life, prepare yourself. Welcome to Robert’s Face of Gay.

My Husband Is Not My Sugar Daddy

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

I found myself in the position a couple of years ago of needing to help my mother out with my father more than I was currently able to. Adapting to the ever-changing needs of someone suffering from Alzheimer’s take its toll, plain and simple. Also, my father-in-law was starting to have some health issues. My husband and I discussed these life changes many times and attempted to adapt to them as best we could, but it’s not entirely easy when one of us works and lives so far away, plus I was juggling two careers. Other people have managed, though, so we kept plodding along. Finally, his most recent promotion allowed us to do something unexpected; I was able to resign from my day job and focus on helping my parents, helping his father when he was still alive, and also work on my career as an author. This was not a decision we took lightly. This wasn’t my escape from the workforce to a life of eating Bon-Bons. And yet, inevitably, I hear a couple times a week how nice it must be to have a sugar daddy.

What A Blog Post Looks Like When Your Brain Is Mush

Monday, March 10th, 2014

It’s one of those evenings. You know the kind I mean, right? One of those Sundays after a really emotional and stressful week, after having delightful company, and also after having done something author-related with the aforementioned delightful company that required a bit of prep work that was cause for concern? One of those. My brain feels like mush. At least I’d have energy if it was fried mush, but not plain mush. 2014 was supposed to be a bit less frantic and psychotic, only I think it missed that memo. Seriously. 2013 was an emotional rollercoaster ride of negative horse pucky and 2014 isn’t doing much to mask the stench. We’re no longer soldiers. We’re survivors holding our noses because, really, it does stink. But let’s get to the fun author-stuff first.

The Things We Need To Hear Before We Pass Away

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

I was tempted to say that I found myself in the unfortunate position of finding out last weekend that a man who played a tremendous part in my education and becoming an author, M, was put into hospice. Sadly, no matter how I say it and no matter how unfortunate it may be, it’s more unfortunate for him. It’s easy to get sidetracked into thinking “Oh, God…how do I deal with this kind of news and the knowledge that my friend’s time is nearing its end?” I’m thinking M has the short end of the stick, however. He’s thinking… Well, I suspect he’s thinking about a great many things. Some I’ll know about, some I won’t. I went to visit M Monday and started to get an idea of what he’s going through and what he’s looking for in terms of leaving this life.