Lend Me Your Rears…er…Ears For A Tiny Little Rant & Challenge!

Were I single, I’d be standing on a chair and asking you all to “Lend me your rear!” Well, if you were cute and I was remotely interested. I’m not, however, single that is, so perhaps you’d lend me your ear. Ever have one of those months where you suddenly stop and say “Enough!” I’m kinda there at the moment. And wouldn’t you know it, it involves one of my favorite subjects (cue sarcasm alert); politics. Well, that and religion. The two seem to go hand in hand these days, don’t they? For a country that’s supposed to be based on a separation between church and state, there seems to be a tremendous amount of grandstanding to the contrary. I’m undoubtedly preaching to the choir with some of this, but there have been a few things that have gotten my deliciously shapely designer underwear in an unseemly bunch.

Where were we? Right. Politics. Even I’m not above admitting I was disappointed with President Obama during the recent debate. He had a real chance to increase his lead over Romney and the opposite happened. Not good. Another anomaly is that the Log Cabin Republicans–who I admittedly continue to see as a bit of a joke and they’ve yet to offer anything to make me rethink this opinion–still haven’t endorsed Romney. It’s October and the election is in November. What are they waiting for? According to an article in the Washington Blade, they’re want to have a meeting with his campaign staff and find out what the candidate’s stance on GLBT issues is before making their decision. Yeah, you keep waiting and good luck with that. In the meantime, the rest of us in the community are pretty much left with the choice of voting for someone willing to embrace us more than any other president has or elect someone who’s vocal about denying our rights.

On a local front, it really doesn’t help when you still have people like Michigan representative Tom McMillin who continues to say things like “I think that the people who are caught up in the homosexual lifestyle need help. We encourage people to stop smoking.” So smoking, which can be described as an addiction, is much the same as being gay because being gay is an addiction? I’m guessing logic wasn’t his strong point in school. Also according to McMillin, โ€œI believe there are statistics to show that (gay people can change).” Really? I wonder if those statistics come from places that offer reparative therapy. You know, those places the American Psychological Association has condemned? And those places that California is banning from having anything to do with teenagers? Same places. And, naturally, the places in California are suing to have the new law thrown out. Don’t even get me started on that.

The thing that gets me about the article discussing Tom McMillin is the one comment left at the bottom of the page; “Tom McMillan continues to be among the few politicians who isn’t afraid to support Christian values.” So, if I read the article correctly, it’s a Christian value to say someone’s not really gay because they (the Christians) don’t believe homosexuality actually exists naturally? I’d argue that point because I have plenty of friends who are Christians know that being gay does occur naturally. Some of them are even gay, so they have firsthand knowledge of it. Finally, it’s a Christian value to deny someone who’s gay the same rights as anybody else? Yeah, because that goes entirely along with the core values of the Christian faith.

When it comes to religion in general, I tend to support the idea of living by most of the ten commandments. I’m not perfect, but there are a few even I haven’t broken. Still, nowhere in them does it state “You shall not be a homosexual” or “You shall only be a heterosexual.” I’m pretty sure if it was as important as religious leaders and politicians think it is today–Alabama Supreme Court candidate Roy Moore stated that gay marriage will lead to the ultimate destruction of America–then I feel certain it would have been included. I don’t recall seeing any reference to us in the seven deadly sins either; lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. Ooh, pride. Maybe they’re coming after us for our pride parades?

The Boy Scouts of America made news again by denying a seventeen-year-old his Eagle Scout status. Ryan Andresen has been in the scouts since he was six and now that he’s come full circle by completing all the necessary tasks to attain the distinction of Eagle Scout, the word that came down was ‘no.’ Why? Because agreeing to do one’s duty to God means being a heterosexual, which he discovered he wasn’t during the previous eleven years he devoted to them. Things like this absolutely make my blood boil.

But here’s the crux of this today. Here’s where I’ve wanted to get to after navigating all these other bits. I’m a little annoyed and tired of reading all these articles attacking the GLBT community. And, quite frankly, the opposition is rather tired of us countering. You see…we’re quick learners, we’ve persevered, and we’re pissed. My thing, though, is being told that the marriage to my husband is going to be the downfall of America…and probably the rest of the world at some point. It’s coming, right? Someone’s going to say it if they haven’t already. Somebody always manages to stretch the gay marriage thing into ridiculousness by asking “What’s next? Marrying your animals or marrying children?” Got news for you. It’s not going to happen. One of the commandments does actually tell you not to covet your neighbor’s animals…which I’m sure probably extends to all animals. And marrying children? Yeah, not real popular and getting the best press elsewhere in the world, so it’s doubtful it’ll happen here.

That being said, I’d genuinely like to ask anybody out there who feels that my marriage is a threat to your marriage and/or existence to please explain how. Really, I’d like to know. Pookie and I have been married eight months now, so either all the warnings are complete BS or we’re behind on our being destructive. I’m too busy looking after my father because of his Alzheimer’s and the husband is busy with work and making sure we have money to pay our bills. Thoroughly boring, sorry. I get the feeling we should be having secret meetings, showing charts and figures as to how we can subvert America one city at a time and learn to laugh in a sinister-like manner. Frankly, neither of us really has the time.

So there’s my challenge. How has my marriage impacted your life in any negative way?



Kage Alan is ย the Pet Semetary watching, Edwin Wendler listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” My next door neighbor while I was growing up–and who I wrote about in two of my books–couldn’t wait to pass along Stephen King’s Pet Sematary to me. She said it was the scariest book she’d ever read! We were totally into that sort of thing. The scarier the book, comic or movie, the better. I didn’t think the book was that scary. Maybe it was the expectation level I had. But when I saw the movie during college? Now THAT scared the hell out of me! It’s still pretty gruesome and a perfect recent addition to my Blu-Ray collection. I can get away with saying “my” collection because Pookie will never watch it. heh heh heh

15 Responses to “Lend Me Your Rears…er…Ears For A Tiny Little Rant & Challenge!”

  1. Dorien says:

    Mr. Alan:

    Your statements were clear, concise, and logical. Never, NEVER try to use logic when it comes to religious and political fervor. It’s like trying to whittle down Mr. Everest with a butter knife.

    Yours Sincerely

    The Republican Party
    Organized Religion Fire and Brimstone League

    • Kage says:

      Yeah…I’m not entirely sure how clear, concise and logical I was. It was a bit of a mishmash and I kept going back and forth between taking the stories seriously or showing just how absurd they were.

      But you raise a valid point.

  2. Jeff P says:

    Your marriage has ruined my life because I am jealous. I am jealous that you two have done it and I haven’t yet. I’m younger, I’m prettier and damn it I am talented. I deserve to be married…or at least a kept man. lol

    PS. Did I see Dorien speak for the Republican Party?

    • Kage says:

      If only he had, Jeff. lol

      No need to be jealous. The hubs told me that if he could have gone and gotten married without even telling me we were, he’d have done that. It was in response to my asking why we couldn’t invite more people than we did, which was 4. He did it for me, otherwise I don’t think he would have raised the prospect of it.

  3. Bobbie B says:

    Yes, Kage, your marriage has ruined my life.

    My hubby and I are boringly still together with our son and special needs daughter. I still stay at home caring for my daughter, son and hubby. Shocking I know.

    I, too, am beyond tired of all this bs. Have you seen the latest stuff going around by another Republican? There is a rep from Arizona that wrote (OMG he wrote a book we should all bow down to his awesomeness) a book and is calling for the DEATH Penalty for REBELLIOUS children. It was in the Bible, didn’t you know? He says people wouldn’t probably use it but it needs to be on the books to keep the KIDS in line. *sigh*

    I am very disappointed with our prospects this election. I wish there was someone better. Is Nader running again? I voted for him last time…

    • Kage says:

      You have got to be kidding me? Someone actually wrote a book about that? Nope, totally missed that one and I’m going to have to look it up because I now can’t get it out of my head. Grrr…

      • Bobbie B says:

        There is a link on my Facebook wall. It was posted on Huffington. I know they may not be the brightest bulbs but I read the article BEFORE I posted it to my wall.

        I am a registered Republican. I do research my candidates before I vote. Unfortunately with the case of our dear Governor Haley, not all the nutjob qualities appeared until after she won the Governorship of SC.

        Hats off to you and Pookie. Especially you surviving Grandmonster in Law.

  4. Absolutely, Kage, your loving, devoted relationship has completely sullied me for all others and has destroyed my marriage of twenty-four years just by its wonderful courage and forthright honesty.

    Please. The world needs more stable couples, not less. Why is that so damn hard for some people to see?

  5. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve been a Republican all my life. I’ve picked through the candidates carefully, never supporting a bigot (to the best of my knowledge). I suppose you would call me a Log Cabin Republican if I were gay.

    As a Christian, I’ve taken communion in an all gay church, the Metro in Studio City, Ca. and guess what? I survived without it burning down around my head. So did all the parishioners.

    There are all kinds of people out there Kage. You and I learned a long time ago that you can’t let things like this get to you or you’ll just drive yourself crazy. There are few things that I will compromise on. When people say that they don’t talk religion or politics, it’s mainly because they want to keep their friendships intact.

    I will never, however compromise my stand on homosexuality. I think it is a God given gift to at least ten percent of the population and no one will ever convince me otherwise. If anyone could look at a gay man or woman and realize the profound courage it takes to stand up and be counted, or better yet, fight for the right to marry or adopt kids or however many other rights they would be denied because of their orientation, they may step back and take a breath.

    Gay men and women are my courageous heros, as are you, my friend ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Dawn Roberto says:

    OH MY! *blinks* So you and Pookie and other married or want to be married Gay couples are going to ruin my relationship of 6-almost 7-years together…really??!! *wipes brow* Well thanks for the warning….now if my honey and I do split (not going to happen unless the world ends or something lol) for whatever reason, it’s all your fault. *snickers*

    Seriously, all I care about is if two people who love and respect one another, want to get married they should. No business of mine if they love man, woman or a purple alien named Bob with six arms. You won’t destroy marriage…us heterosexual people have been doing it all on our own just fine. *sighs*

    Hugs Kage

  7. Shannon West says:

    Great post. I totally support gay marriage. It’s certainly none of my business who you marry and though I’m not religious, I think most of these so called Christians will be in for a rude awakening when they die. I think God is going to be seriously pissed that they’ve been using his name for their poisonous crap.

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