I was watching An American President before bed one evening this past week and found myself wondering what it would actually be like if we had a president in office like the one Michael Douglass portrayed. Wouldn’t that be something to have someone who actually made decisions because they were the right thing to do, not the political thing to do? And as difficult as he was to watch, it was probably dead on accurate how Richard Dreyfuss’s character based his entire campaign on the matter of character when there really wasn’t one. It was invented, but it’s all about perception, isn’t it? The only reason I bring this up is because I recently found out someone took a shot at my father’s character and I’m not entirely comfortable with it.
Get over it, right? Someone is always going to take a shot at someone else. Hell, there’s a sizable number of folks out there who think I’m a prick. Half of me is okay with that because I understand why. I speak my mind, I don’t take someone’s word for every single thing, I disagree, and I prefer not to follow blindly. If that makes me a prick, then so be it. The other half of me isn’t happy about that at all because some folks get caught up in seeing how I’m responding to someone and assume my behavior is like that all the time. It’s not. I love my parents, I love my guy and I love my friends, deeply in some cases. But I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be.
If someone wants to take a shot at my character, they really almost don’t need to. I’ll be more than happy to provide you with a list of my flaws. I’m aware of them. People have taken shots at my mother’s and father’s character before. It’s going to happen. You and I, dear reader, have been taking shots at people’s character since we were in grade school and they us. It’s an ugly, but fairly normal part of life. Sometimes it gets to us and sometimes we can shrug it off. One thing I’ve learned over the years is the older we get, the more we’re willing to acknowledge our own shortcomings as well as those around us and build on friendships in spite of them. That’s part of getting a little wiser with age. The folks I went to high school with have gotten wiser, so I’ve come to expect that folks older than us have progressed as well. Apparently not all, though.
Let me bring this back around into relevancy now.
Kage Alan, Dad and Mum from 1985 (maybe?)
Part of my day job is spent interacting with various clients and I was quite elated a year ago to find out that someone in a very high position at one of the clients is someone who worked with my father. I remember quite distinctly back in the day what my father went through as a police officer, sergeant, lieutenant, Deputy Director and, finally, acting Director. It was like anywhere else with your good eggs, your bad eggs and politics. My father was not a political person, but he understood the game, understood how to navigate it in such a way that he never compromised himself and the outcome was always fair and equitable to all involved. Not only was he elected (without his input or desire to be) as the union rep, but he was later able to serve as a liaison between what the union wanted versus management when he became management.
And again, while nobody is perfect, when it came to the job, my father was respected. I’ll even go on record here and say that my father had more character at my current age than I probably ever will. If he didn’t or if he was seriously flawed, I wouldn’t hesitate to admit it. But here’s the thing. Even the–for lack of a better term–assholes from back in the day have grown. They’re not the same guys. They’ve had more life experiences and time to look back on their lives and behavior and mellow out. They’re all finding something in common now and I’ve enjoyed that part of the aging process.
So it came a rather undesirable surprise to me last week when someone I work for informed me that the aforementioned person high up with the client was casually making some rather unfavorable comments about my father as if they were shared by the entire department as it existed back then. If someone wants to take a shot at me, go ahead. Want to take a shot at my mother? She can defend herself. You want to take a shot at my father when he’s suffering from Alzheimer’s? We’ve got an issue.
Or…maybe in this case we don’t.
The thing about character debates or character assassination is one must always consider the source. Here, with this particular individual, we’re talking about someone who went out on his wife on such a regular basis that his father-in-law had to be restrained from doing bodily harm to him. The worst part is that it was common knowledge back then. So, really, how much credibility do I give what this person says today? Gonna have to be honest and say not much.
Sadly, that’s exactly what my thought process can be like in dismissing someone or what someone thinks nowadays. It’s apparently one of my prickish qualities while I prefer to think of it as a time saver. Something happens that irks me, I stew on it, evaluate it and the find a way to get the ugliness out. Next. See? Prickish. And I’m okay with it, but you’d be surprised at how many people aren’t.
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Kage Alan is the See No Evil, Hear No Evil watching, Lou Gramm listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” He’s discovered that, sometimes, the easiest way to get something off his mind is to write a blog post about it. Who knew? Good thing he’s not naming names, though. He’s lose his job.
You know, it’s not being a prick when you’re defending someone who cannot defend themselves. Especially not when it’s someone you love. And it says a lot about that person’s character when he says crappy things about someone who cannot defend himself.
More power to you!
Thank you, Sarah. My folks continue to look out for me to this day and I’ve learned the value in doing the same. I love them and I won’t tolerate this sort of thing happening.
You have every right to be mad, sweetie. My father was involved for years in city politics in a tiny beach town in the sixtys and seventies. He ran for and won a city council seat and was, until the day he died, a man of great and honorable integrity, a true hero to me. That didn’t stop lesser men from back biting and slandering him because they didn’t agree with his politics. I can tell you from experience, that as a child, seeing your father and your mother go through the viscious attacks on his character, was very difficult. So, no, you have to stand up for the man you know, and no one else’s opinion matters.
I would be more worried if you didn’t defend your dad to the bitter end. What an arsehole that person is.
Said it before, will say it again…you’re a good son, Kage Alan.
It’s about the man you know, don’t forget that…. the MAN YOU KNOW