Archive for July, 2012|Monthly archive page

Guess What? I’m Dipped In Honey!

Monday, July 30th, 2012

I remember being fascinated by certain people, usually actors, throughout my life. What did they eat? What did they drink? What did they like for dessert? What TV shows did they watch? Did they listen to Abba, too? I was 7. Naturally, the questions changed as I grew older. What did their staff make them to eat? What good wine could they afford to drink? What TV shows were they on that had potential to make it to series if they weren’t in movies? It was important to know in order to put my mind at ease. How else would they be able to take care of me in the way I wanted? And, finally, were they any good in bed? Obviously they wouldn’t be as talented as me. I was 8.

Classic Blog Post: Out of the Lair of the Grandmonster (Days 8-9)

Saturday, July 28th, 2012

Original Publication Date: Feb 04, 2009

Commence Recording


Today is promising. A family the Grandmonster has known for many years is coming by to visit. Now, I’d like to think they’ve stayed in touch because the wicked one used to tutor their two sons, but I suspect it has more to do with the family owning several factories in China and being rather affluent than anything else. Like a moth to a flame or me to Best Buy, the Grandmonster has an ever-persistent tentacled suction cup on the buttocks of the wealthy. The nice thing is that despite this, the family has always been very good to me. They’ve included me in the gift giving during the Chinese New Year and have even sent things back for me during years when I’ve been unable to go abroad.

Growing Old The AbFab Way, Sweetie Darling

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

When the few subtle signs the universe sends you about aging are dutifully ignored, it’ll often reach out in ways that can’t quite be anticipated. The first subtle sign I received was in the form of kidney stones in my early 30s. “Here’s some pain,” the universe whispered and gave me a little wink. I merely adjusted my diet and Ignored the aging bit. “Here are a few gray hairs,” it spoke up a little louder. I started getting highlights. Aging ignored. “Look, you little git, try ignoring some age lines!” The universe was clearly annoyed. So was I. Hellooooo, Botox! “You f***er! Oh, it’s on!” And with that, the universe set out to look for less subtle ways of telling me I’m getting older.

The White Noise Surrounding the Colorado Shooting

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

Let’s blame Canada! No…wait… We already did that when a chunk of the east coast blacked out some years back. Let’s blame Batman! Er…or you know, that Christopher Nolan guy, especially since he writes scripts. No…wait… Let’s blame Hollywood! Maybe we should just blame the gays! Or everybody who didn’t get to pray in school! Possibly the left. Maybe the right. All politicians! There we go!

That kinda sums up the past few days in the news, doesn’t it? And it’s just stupid. It’s just really stupid. We had a huge tragedy in Colorado, people are dead and many more wounded, some of them who may not make it. And instead of some (notice I said ‘some’) reporting the tragedy with any degree of responsibility and focusing on trying to help people heal, it’s been sensationalized and the hunt for someone to blame has begun.

Classic Blog Post: Into The Lair of the Grandmonster (Day 7)

Saturday, July 21st, 2012

Original Publication Date: Feb 02, 2009

Commence Recording
Pookie’s birthday started earlier than he would have liked. The Grandmonster, in her neverending desire for secrecy, rose early, dragged him out of bed all to give him a card and gift…both items she did not care for me to see because… Well, it still baffles me, but it tickles her in a special place to think that I didn’t see them, wouldn’t see them and would take no part in their part of his birthday. I saw them anyway and that tickled me in a very special place. That something can still tickle her gives me an idea of what to get her for her birthday later this year.

Being Your Own Best Friend! Left Hand Or Right Hand?

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

I had a dream last night where I was presented with reviews from all my co-workers at the previous job. One person said I was “too drunkenly”–hey, it was a dream, so language kinda goes all over the place–and another said I was frequently 8 minutes late. I remember being struck at how ludicrous it all was because I almost never drink and I opened the place each morning long before anyone else got in and long before my actual starting time. That and I never received an evaluation of any kind while I was there. Was this dream therefore pointing to my curiosity at how other people sometimes perceive me?

And yes, I’m still ignoring what I was originally going to write about on Monday and then for today. It’ll happen next week. Maybe.

Monday: Pulling Another One Out of My Derriere

Monday, July 16th, 2012

This may come as a bit of a shock to some of you, but I’ll own it and say it. I’m not exactly the most social person in the world. There. It’s out there in the universe and can’t be taken back. Now, this in itself isn’t a huge deal. Why? Because the overwhelming majority of authors I know aren’t entirely social except when we’re around each other. We understand our dysfunctional nature and are the last ones to pass judgement on someone else with the same issue. Why bring this up? Because apparently when I am social, I don’t have the intelligence to space it out. Oh, no. I cram it all into three consecutive days! My brain still hurts and I’m typing this.

And, ironically, the above had nothing to do with what today’s post was going to be about. Just…just bear with me and read on, okay? It’s always so much easier that way.

The Face of Gay 2 (By Bobbie B)

Saturday, July 14th, 2012

First, a sincere thank you to everybody who read and commented a couple of weeks ago on the debut of The Face of Gay. The author of the piece and I weren’t entirely sure if it would attract an audience or not and it did. Also, I received an e-mail from someone shortly after asking if they could submit one for the series. Absolutely! If after reading this week’s post you’d like to tell your own story or the story of someone you know (if you’re straight and they’re gay), please contact me. Again, my hope is that readers will have a better understanding of the LGBT community by reading these. Now, shall we get on with The Face of Gay 2?

Sex IN The City…And A July Wedding (Part 2)

Thursday, July 12th, 2012

Okay, we’re going to go with asking you to pretend you hear Sarah Jessica Parker’s voice speaking as Carrie Bradshaw again for the start of this. Ready? Here we go…

“There are three life changing events during a New York male’s life. The first is discovering he has a penis, the second is when he learns the value of his penis and the third is when he actually goes out and starts using his penis. From then on, it’s a rat race, gay or straight, to see just how many admirers of his penis he can accumulate. And if by chance he finds he’s attracted to and compatible with one specific woman’s anatomy or one specific man’s penis, love can occur. Sometimes, this love can even result in marriage!”

Me again, so you can stop pretending to hear Sarah Jessica’s voice.

Sex IN The City…And A July Wedding (Part 1)

Monday, July 9th, 2012

Pretend for a moment that you can hear Sarah Jessica Parker’s voice as Carrie Bradshaw.

“New York City is home to some amazing places and amazing people! If you have a taste for something, then there’s probably three restaurants that offer it within a few blocks of wherever you happen to be. If you want to see something out of the ordinary, just stop in front of Madison Square Garden where all sorts of colorful folks can be found yelling at whatever the little voices in their head are telling them is wrong. And if you want to go shopping, there’s always Macy’s, even during a holiday like July 4th! It brings out mobs of shoppers, especially in 98 degree weather, and also one Detroit-based author who didn’t appreciate being surrounded, pushed, prodded (though he may enjoyed that), and otherwise inconvenienced by shoppers while he tried to locate his husband. In fact, if you listened–and you didn’t even need to listen carefully–you could sometimes hear his voice above the others.”

Get the (expletive) out of my (expletive) way! (expletive) people have nothing (expletive) better to do on an (expletive) holiday? This is (expletive)!

Okay, now you can stop imagining Sarah Jessica Parker’s voice.