Original Publication Date: 9/11/08
Sit back, relax and dig in as I attempt to amuse you with my slightly overdue DragonCon report. Yes, slightly overdue. Dodging the Grandmonster’s his squads is bad enough, but to avoid Julie Caitlin Brown’s, too? Ugh. Let’s start at the beginning. I flew into Atlanta Thursday afternoon (no delayed flights…uncanny and almost unbelievable) and arrived just in time to shove my bags in the room before heading down to join “the line”.
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A friend of my honorable adopted little brother’s was bemoaning the fact that at his age of 31–which seems young to me–a 19 year old he was hoping to engage in nocturnal mating rituals with told him not too long ago that “It’s okay you’re 31. I like older men.” This made honorable adopted brother’s friend feel very awkward. This made honorable adopted brother feel very awkward. This made me laugh at how awkward they felt because we’ve all be there. No, not with his friend even though I hear his friend gets around. We’ve all either thought of someone older than ourselves as old or we’ve been called old ourselves. I know I’ve been called old a few times and have had to fight the desire to give that person a swift kick in the balls.
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Do you ever feel that, despite adversity, you’ve found something resembling a balance within the imbalance? And for some reason you can’t quite put your finger on, which is probably for the best, it works or at least exists at the moment? I didn’t realize until last week just how much I was in that exact situation and how quickly it can change. Mother + son = taking care of father. Now, what happens when mum comes down with a kidney stone and, for any length of time, is unable to take care of dad when the son is at work? This is something we hadn’t really talked about or thought through and hoped wouldn’t rear its ugly head. So, do you see how tenuous the situation actually is?
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Original Publication Date: 9/05/08
Annoying people should not be allowed to say anything about DVDs, have an opinion about them or be allowed to express an opinion about them. They just shouldn’t.
Enter today’s little tale.
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Coming down sick has an interesting side-effect on me. Or, rather, it’s the medication that has a side-effect. Nyquil makes me…well, hormonal. So does Dayquil. And now that I think about it, so does Tylenol Cold and Flu, Thera-Flu, Wal-Greens Cold and Flu and just about any other general cold medication. The only other time my hormones are influenced by outside means is when I’m writing. Oh, yes. When my muse is going to town whispering in my ear and I’m translating and typing, I’ve started to suspect that he’s also slipping in a couple dirty thoughts. Why? Because the more inspiration that flows through me, it all ends up in one spot…besides the page that is.
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One of the highlights of being a G-list celebrity–not my term–is the privacy you’re given whenever doing public appearances. I mean, sure, those of you who hang with Dorien Grey know that he just has to walk into a bookstore and people flock to him. It probably doesn’t hurt that he wears a t-shirt with “The Man” with an arrow pointing up and “The Legend” with an arrow pointing down. One of my own favorite t-shirts is one with a cartoon face on it with “Fear my cuteness!” written below it. It doesn’t have the same power as Dorien’s. In fact, it kinda tends to make people puke. Well, it made one person puke. Author Patricia Logan puked, but then she’s a wench and that’s what wenches do around anyone representing the epitome of sublime innocence. But I digress. Let’s talk upcoming conventions!
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Original Publication Date: 8/20/08
Okay, I’ve been quiet for a couple of weeks now, which means I’ve been good. Good is boring, so I’m at it again. Writing, that is. I’m at the writing again. I can’t help it. I have to do something while I’m catching up on Season 1 of “Gossip Girl”. My partner lives for that show right now. Does that mean he’s kinda the girl in the relationship when it comes to television? Huh.
The second signing on the Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins tour, the one in Indianapolis, was a bit more…well, stressful. My friend Jose (he’s the one in the Subway commercial) and I walked into the store where I proceeded to introduce myself to the lady behind the counter. She had three questions for me:
1) Who are you?
2) Why are you here?
3) What signing?
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Hey, did you hear about my wedding? Kidding! Seriously, even I’m talked out about it after 5 blog posts. Please, my kingdom for a new subject. Just a moment. One of my staff members, soup maker, I think, just shouted out something sarcastic. <2 minutes pass> Okay, taken care of. Kinda difficult to want to be mouthy when the closest Urgent Care is further away than your pain threshold can last. Anyway, in the search for a new topic to write about, I kept asking myself what the next chapter in my life should include. Maybe I should do something spontaneous, dangerous and exciting! Or, maybe I should do something safe, but exciting! Oh, heck. Why not just work on a bucket list so I can best determine what’s safe and exciting without needing to be spontaneous? Yeah, that’s the ticket.
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Like all eyeballs-rolling-up-into-the-back-of-your-head inducing, room-shaking, obnoxious, calling-out-the-wrong-name-which-is-okay-just-as-long-as-it’s-loud, wet orgasms, festivities sometimes come to an end. Not that I had any orgasms during my wedding week or even on my wedding night. I thought about it. I really did. I’d have even been happy with one. I’d have been happy just watching one that wasn’t even mine, but every time I’d get that look in my eye, honorable husband would remind me that we were now married and that the physical intimacy part of our relationship now mirrored that of straight couples and would be greatly reduced. For those of you more cerebral types who enjoy math, I’ve just proven that division by zero IS possible. So, let’s move on to the day after the wedding.
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Original Publication Date: 8/10/08
Has anybody heard this phrase going around, “It is what it is?” Yeah, that used to be a simple little saying with a rather innocent meaning. It was also rarely spoken because it was so innocent, just a pleasant little “that’s all there is, folks” kind of thing. And people smiled when they said it. =) Like many things with upper management or a corporate office, it has been corrupted. Now, instead of a polite little finale to a casual conversation, it pretty much covers a great many shitty situations.
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