Kage Alan Blog

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A self-professed extraordinarily intelligent half Asian stud and a self-deprecating smart ass author white guy fly to New York City, dress up in their best suits, and ask a Jewish Rabbi to marry them in a non-religious ceremony. You’ve heard it, right? Great. Okay, let me back up a little bit.

I’ve lost count of the number of weddings I’ve either attended or stood up in. They make me weepy, but that’s the romantic in me. I’m also a bit of a traditionalist and my parents–at least my mother–remembers me saving toys and vinyl records for when I got married and had children one day. It seems kinda silly when I think about it now, though, don’t you think? Dogs don’t really play with toys like I did and dogs are about the closest we’re ever going to get to having children. Fish don’t either and if you think they give me dirty looks now, just wait until I drop a Micronaut into the tank with them. But I digress. I’m here to share some thoughts and reflections about last week when Pookie and I tied the knot. Ready? Here we go…
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Ancient Chinese prophesy foretells of a grand matriarch, a woman so devoted to her grandchildren that any potential suitor who doesn’t meet her expectations and challenges her authority, soon disappears under mysterious and unpleasant circumstances.  Her reign of terror is said to last nearly thirty years. Prophesy also foretells of a stranger from the West, a clueless-yet-well-meaning gweilo, whose affections for her grandson will tear at the very fabric of her universe.  And the ensuing battle—between the white guy and his boyfriend’s evil Grandmonster—is said to be one that will one day turn prophesy into legend.
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I was watching An American President before bed one evening this past week and found myself wondering what it would actually be like if we had a president in office like the one Michael Douglass portrayed. Wouldn’t that be something to have someone who actually made decisions because they were the right thing to do, not the political thing to do? And as difficult as he was to watch, it was probably dead on accurate how Richard Dreyfuss’s character based his entire campaign on the matter of character when there really wasn’t one. It was invented, but it’s all about perception, isn’t it? The only reason I bring this up is because I recently found out someone took a shot at my father’s character and I’m not entirely comfortable with it.
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So I was at J.C. Penny last night after work where they were holding a pair of dress pants for me. The pair at their sister store the previous night was too short. Naturally, these were too long. But the suit jacket was my favorite, so I figured I could get the pants tailored. One thing I’ve learned when shopping for clothes is this, though: always get the opinion of the Asian in the relationship and if he’s not available, get someone else of Chinese ethnicity–since he’s half Chinese and trusts his fellow gay Chinese friends–to step in and offer his opinion. I did. A good friend of mine met me there to make sure my selection was acceptable. It was. The gentleman waiting on me knew the reason for the suit and when my friend showed up, looked at him and said “Congratulations!” While my friend’s response was a deadpan “What?”, my response was a bit more animated. “Uh, he’s not the one getting married. Right ethnicity, wrong person.” Good to know I have a back-up just in case my guy leaves me at the altar. The suit is currently being tailored and can be picked up in a week. Oy…
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I do some work for a company that pays very close attention to social media. I know, I know. Moi? Work? Pookie says if I’m not barefoot and pregnant at home, my supple ass has to get out there and earn us some money. Personally, I think I’d make a pretty awesome house husband. We’ll see. I’m working on it. Give me a few more months. Anyway, back to topic, the folks where I work and I are fairly well-versed in online etiquette…despite some of my posts and things I say that might suggest the contrary. But there are just some things you don’t do. And if you do happen to do them, there are things you don’t go and do after you’ve gone and done what you did! Are you following me? Good, because some of this gets a little complicated.
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