I have a wonderful friend and delightful fellow author, the prolific Dorien Grey, who shares my curiosity and childlike tantrums about technology. It’s a blessing in disguise because my partner has a childlike curiosity about technology that he loves to see me fly into tantrums about. It bothered him in the beginning. Now it just amuses his half Asian ass. But, come on. I mastered the Atari 2600 on my own. I had a pager. I know how to use Excel and PowerPoint. It’s just all this other crap with phones that do shit they have no business doing and then there’s this whole touch pad thing. Grrr…
In all honesty, I thought about putting my thoughts down about 9/11 and then realized it might be best if I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong. I feel for the victims, their families and their friends. But I feel ashamed that someone like Ann Coulter verbally attacked the widows of 9/11. I’m dumbfounded that first responders still can’t talk with each other after 10 years. And I’m most annoyed that even though power passes from one party to the next, we’re still having the same damn problems, no solutions and our leaders are their own worst hurdles. So, there. Back to the fun stuff.
Yeah, technology. Let’s start with phones. Phones are made to call people. It’s that simple. I’ve graduated to texting on my phone (which I love), Google chat on my phone (which isn’t bad either), GPS on my phone (1 time only, though, since I have an actual GPS) and… That’s it. I don’t do e-mail on my phone because that’s what computers are made for. If somebody needs to get a hold of me that bad, they can frickin’ call! I also don’t play music on my phone since that’s what my MP3 player does just fine on its own. But the latest phone my guy bought for me? It’s a touch screen. It deletes shit if you press on it just right…which is never when you actually want it to.
Just a side note, but one of my previous jobs tried to give me one of those Nextel phones where they can find and bother you with a really loud, annoying set of beeps. I wouldn’t accept it. No way. Why? Because while they might want to get a hold of me, there’s no guarantee I wanted to talk to them depending on what I was doing at the time. Snarky? You bet!
So, I’ve somewhat embraced the phone thing as I have the laptop when not on my main system…and then all this other crap came along. E-reader? I don’t own one. I don’t want one. I like actual books, but I understand why other folks like their readers. Just not for me. Just sayin’. And now there’s this little thing that Pookie picked up and insisted I use called the HP TouchPad.
The conversation kind of went like this:
“What’s it do? I already have a laptop that surfs the net. Was it worth spending $149 on something I can already do on a laptop I already own? No, I won’t. What the hell am I going to read a book on it for? I have actual books and if I need to read something, I can read it on the laptop. I can talk to you on it? How? Where’s the keyboard? There isn’t one? Okay, so it’s like a phone? I don’t need a phone this size. Oh, Skype. I can Skype on the frickin’ laptop. Wait. How am I supposed to type if there’s no keyboard? Another god***n touch screen??? So it IS like my phone? You’re telling me it’s more like a laptop now? What the f**k is it? Is it a phone? A laptop? A Transformer??? I don’t want it! I don’t need it! I won’t have it!”
I’m now learning how to use it.
It doesn’t mean I have to like it, though. Anybody else feel this way about technology?
Kage Alan is the King of Fighters watching, Edwin Wendler listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” He’s still taking Thera-Flu, coughing and sitting on his ass getting rest because he’s supposed to. Grr…