It’s a bizarre thing when my Pookie goes out of town for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks. I mean, not just out of town, but really “out of town.” Like…Europe out of town. I won’t get to drive him mental by insisting on saying goodnight to him and I won’t get to hear his nonsensical voice when I wake him up each morning. Yes, I wake him up every morning. The man can sleep through three alarm clocks! I’ve been there. “I” wake up. He continues to snore. He may have even snored his way through an orgasm once.
Of course, the Grandmonster is with him this trip–which means no orgasms–so I suspect he did me a favor leaving me at home where I have a better chance of living through the days she’s around. We did go on one trip with her over to Japan a number of years back, which was fun. None of us spoke the language, but she blended in. He blended in. I stuck out like a sore thumb. It was only the keen sense the Japanese people were born with that allowed them to detect pure evil in their midst. Her, not me. I’m a snarky kinda sarcastic evil. She’s just eeeeeeevil.
His mom is a great deal of fun to travel with. She can go, go, go, though! And worse yet, so can he. We were in England for a weekend trip and my guy decided it would be great fun to take the last tube of the night to the furthest stop we could go, then grab a bus and see the lights of London. Where in the hell did he get this idea from? What possesses a person to think that leaving a warm hotel at 11pm at night is a good idea to even begin with? Not only did we take the wrong tube, but the bus only ran every hour at that point. We froze our asses off waiting for it standing behind a couple of gay teens making out. So NOT how I envisioned that night going.
If there’s a problem with a trip we take, it’s most likely with me. I view these things as vacations and when I’m on vacation, I don’t feel the need to haul ass. I like to do things leisurely, enjoy the surroundings, mosey at a comfortable speed, eat somewhere fun I wouldn’t normally think to back home and, of course, fool around a bit. See? The problem is so me. Pookie’s idea of a vacation is to sleep on the plane, step off the plane and go until we’re back on the plane, then sleep again. The man doesn’t feel that 8 hours of sleep is enough during the week, but half of that is acceptable during a vacation? Oh, hell to the no!
I’ve even tried hot, wet, INTENSE physical intimacy to get his batteries to wind down. Do they? Mine do. He has an internal mechanism that as one part is winding down, another is energizing. I want to bask in the afterglow and he wants to go for a walk, which is confusing in itself since he hates walking if it reminds him of physical exercise. The man doesn’t even like walking more than 10 parking spaces from the vehicle to the entrance of the mall.
But he loves me anyway! And I love him. And I’m going to be a little lost without him for a couple of days. Uh, huh. I hear Best Buy calling my name!
Kage Alan is the Ga Hauser reading, James Taylor Jr. listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” He continues to fight the good fight by expressing his humorous side while writing the second Gaylias novel and listening to Within Temptation EXTREMELY loud!