Archive for December, 2011|Monthly archive page

Kage Alan Vs. Patricia Logan’s 2012 New Year’s Assassins

Thursday, December 29th, 2011

So with Pookie home and the amount of cooking, cleaning up after him, catering to his every whim, offering to sit on his lap like Santa and running around places we didn’t need to go for things we didn’t need or end up buying, I missed my Monday blog post.  That’s the short of it in a really long way. I wasn’t thrilled missing it, but I think my batting average has been pretty solid since I started writing them earlier this year, certainly more solid than my attempts to sit on his lap. And that line of thought got me wondering what I should be concentrating on in 2012. I put the question out there to friends on social media. Some were helpful. And others? Yeah…some were helpful! Let’s review a few:

Classic Blog Post: A Double Entendre, Constipation & Expecting the Unexpected

Saturday, December 24th, 2011

Rather than deliver the standard holiday message with a little bit of cheese thrown in for flavor, I thought I’d stick with a classic blog post about a few things I’ve said and done that ought to give you a case of the chuckles. I’m good for that, you know?  So from Pookie and myself, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!


Original Publication Date: 4/26/08

Expect the unexpected.  Isn’t that what people expect?  Oooooh, the irony and most people don’t even know what that is.  You do, though, right?  Good.  Thought so.  That means you get the joke.  One of my coworker’s daughters is pregnant with her second child with the second father–it’s the whole you-can-make-a-joke-out-of-this-10-different-ways-routine and it’s still all true–and he was bragging one day how good she was at math.  Naturally, I perked up and stated “well, she certainly knows how to divide and then multiply”.  Would you believe I had to explain that one to a few people in the room?

Sheerluck Holmes & The Mystery Of The Amazon Christmas Gifts

Thursday, December 22nd, 2011

It was a chilly evening as I walked up my…well, walkway. It sounds redundant to say since I’m walking and it’s a walkway, but I was and it is…as in it was since this was two days ago.  I’ve continued walking since–sometimes even on walkways–only I’m digressing because of you. The point is I’d been walking and I was now home…only then, two days ago. And don’t ask where. Too many people know as can be evidenced by the mere fact I’m writing this post. So, we’ve covered the walking thing. Now (then), there was a package sitting at my door. This isn’t uncommon, mostly because my own package sometimes sits at my door while I unlock it (the door since the package opens up far easier…as in my package). The difference this time is it wasn’t my ‘package’ package and I hadn’t ordered anything quite this large. Even I know my limits when it comes to large packages. Not that I’ve met mine yet.

The Author Who Makes Little Old Ladies Haul Wrinkled Rear Ends!

Monday, December 19th, 2011

You know how there’s always one person who gets blamed for things gone wrong that there’s no damn way they could possibly be responsible for?  Aha!  I see by the look on your face you do.  I am apparently one of those people.  How do I know this?  Easy.  It’s just my lot in life.  I called Pookie last Friday morning and while on the phone with him, his toast burst on fire.  Why?  Not because he walked away.  No, no.  Because I was distracting him.  Then, on Sunday, I called him again.  Toast burned.  Chaos ensued.  And it was my fault because…well, my timing was awful.  Ohhhh, the boyfriends I’ll never torture due to having my hands full with this one.

Classic Blog Post: Pud-Pounding Pickler Chuggers–Interview With A Character Part 2

Saturday, December 17th, 2011

Greetings all!

Yes, the shameless self-promotion continues.  Before we get to that, though, I’d like to thank everybody for sending in questions for the next character from Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins being interviewed.  I’ve narrowed them down to the ones I could print the answers to since this particular character has a habit of being…well, creative in her answers.  I’d also like to give a shout out to my MySpacers who have kept me exercising my need to amuse the masses and for not reminding me that I’m already considered a senior citizen in the gay community.  My orgasms may be fewer and far between (no, not really), but I last a hell of a lot long longer than you (yes, really)!

So, without further ado, let’s get to the good stuff!

Why Can’t We Have Our Happy Endings & Sequels, Too?

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

Singer Ellen Aim looked up at Tom Cody and wanted nothing more than for that moment to freeze so she could savor it forever and ever, only it wasn’t meant to be.  He’d saved her life, come for her when even the authorities wouldn’t…an old boyfriend and former soldier who picked up a rifle and took on the worst gang in the Battery after she’d been kidnapped.  “If you ever need me,” Tom stared into her eyes, “I’ll be there.” And then he left both Ellen and us, the audience, with the promise of adventures yet to come and the possibility that we’d see a happy ending with them after all.  Gotta love the film Streets of Fire and I often wonder why life can’t be more like the movies.

That One Perfect Defining Moment Frozen In Time

Monday, December 12th, 2011

There’s a picture I carry in my wallet since the day it was taken.  My guy and I had been going out for a week or two and I decided to take half a day off of work and drive us north to Port Huron.  There’s a mall there that had–at the time–a large carousel and arcade.  Since he’d never been there, I thought it might be nice to walk around, grab some lunch and maybe play a few games.  He saw a little photo booth there and suggested we have our picture taken together.  It allowed us to take four different shots, then spit them out for our amusement.  Pookie and I divided the four up and I’ve carried one around with me ever since and it’s been almost 17 years now.

The Power of Maybe

Saturday, December 10th, 2011

My guy told me more than once after we started going out that he would be surprised if he lived past 30 years old.  He couldn’t explain it, there was no rational explanation for it and I think he actually believed it.  It really freaked me out when he’d say that.  This is an odd way of looking the situation, but I’d almost come to think of him as an angel who came to earth, was going to head back, then decided to stay.  What brought this up today?  My grandmother’s husband passed away this past week leaving her alone at the age of 81.

Classic Blog Post: Gonna Burn For This One–The Absurdity Zone

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Original Publication Date: 4/15/08

This is one I’m going to burn for.  Okay?  I’m just letting you know that I’m aware of it, just so we’re all on the same page.  This naturally won’t stop me from blogging and telling you about it, but there will be repercussions in the next life.

Some people have Evenings or Mornings With Maury Povich.  I have Conversations With Pookie…while at work.  I receive a call from him this afternoon and he tells me that a friend of his wants us to go see “Avenue Q” with him on Saturday.  I haven’t seen Pookie in a month, so going to a musical isn’t high on my list, especially since it’s playing an hour and a half away in Lansing, plus picking up said friend and dropping said friend off.  That puts us home wayyyyyy after midnight and I will have been up since 5:30am that morning.  Another night of celibacy and I swear it’ll just blow up.  But okay, it ain’t about me.

When Harry & Kage Met Sally & Pookie…You Know, For Lunch

Monday, December 5th, 2011

Everybody seems to be on a movie kick lately and I think it’s the holidays that are doing it.  Pookie and I used to go and see a lot of movies at the theater.  A lot.  And we mostly agreed on what we’d see.  These days?  Either films just aren’t impressing us anymore or we’re just not on the same page as we used to be.  Well, we might not have been back then either, but perhaps not as much as now.  He forced me to watch How To Make An American Quilt and I twisted his arm to watch 28 Days Later.  But you should hear some of the movies he HATES!  Seriously.  Before we get to that, though, I forgot to mention that the Christmas tree is up and decorated.  I’ll have before and after pics further below.