18Oct/100

Winger…or Wanger? (Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell)

RECOVERED:

This is the first chance I’ve had this week to sit down and spend a little quality time with a couple of folks from the upcoming “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell” novel. They weren’t easy to convince to open up and chat with me–mostly about opening up about each other…well, one of them opening up about the other while the one who didn’t open up chastised the one who did–but it turned out well in the end. I think. I hope.
So, without further ado, I’d like to welcome Nicholas Inker and Anthony Hamilton, two agents in their early 30s who… Well, I’ll let them tell you.

Moi: Your last name is Hamilton, yet you’re 100% Chinese?
Anthony: It is. I don’t make a big deal out of it, so nobody else should either.
Moi: I get the feeling I just touched a nerve.
Nicholas: You’re lucky. He doesn’t even let me touch one of those.
Anthony: Are you really going to start on that today?
Moi: Where did you two meet and how long have you been together?
Anthony: I was working in Chicago nine years ago and Nicholas was being trained there. Our courting was the height of sophistication, actually, and we just became one over time.
Nicholas: We met at a gay bar after three weeks of staring at each other across the room. He invited me back to his place, put out on the first date and I’ve been trying to get him to do it again ever since.
Anthony: Do you remember that conversation we had about me doing the talking and you doing the listening?
Moi: Tell me a little about this latest adventure or at least what you feel you can so it doesn’t spoil anything for readers.
Anthony: Because of our unique relationship as a loving couple, the powers that be felt that we were ideal to investigate a potential new terrorist threat at an island resort. That’s about all I can say.
Nicholas: We were forced to work together because nobody else wanted to. Anthony’s a bit of a domineering, micro-managing overlord and, well, what really needs to be said beyond that?
Anthony: Just that the last agent you worked with ended up in a coma and requested a restraining order against you the moment he came out of it. And why? Because you were voted Least Likely To Act Like An Adult.
Moi: So, balanced loving relationship?
Anthony: Did we give you reason to think otherwise?
Nicholas: Exactly. Well…when he’s not being anal, bossy, emotionless, cold, hormoneless…pretty much whenever he’s unconscious or his mother isn’t visiting. Mostly when he’s not conscious. But also when he’s unconscious and his mother isn’t visiting.
Anthony: Or when you’re not hanging up on me when you don’t like what I have to say, constantly questioning me, throwing your little tantrums, chasing after former adult video stars or making me do all the work. Then it’s loving.
Nicholas: Star. Not stars. One star. And he was on my list. You wouldn’t see me giving you grief if it was someone on your list. As for doing all the work, you mean like picking your Kleenex out of the sheets and pillow cases?
Anthony: I thought we weren’t going to talk about the Kleenex?
Nicholas: No, you weren’t going to talk about the Kleenex.
Anthony: Gweilo.
Nicholas: Slob.
Moi: Gentlemen, perhaps you can offer our readers some insight into why they might want to pick “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell” up and read it.
Anthony: Someone named the book after a song by Doro?
Nicholas: Doro rocks!
Anthony: What is it with you and Doro? Nobody likes listening to your Wanger collection either.
Nicholas: That’s Winger. I like listening to Winger and playing with your wanger. Do you think you can keep them straight?

And that’s when the interview ended. It appeared as if the bickering was actually some twisted form of foreplay between the two of them. We’ll sit down with their handler, the very lovely and violent Debora, sometime next week.

Until then…

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the novella Falling Awake (also to be re-published under his real name), and the upcoming Falling Awake II: Revenant.

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