A good friend gave me a sweatshirt for Christmas a couple of years ago that has “Careful or you’ll wind up in my novel” printed on it, which I love! And as several of my friends have found out from book to book, it’s kinda true. Anyway, I’ve been wearing it again since we started getting the cooler weather here in Michigan and even had it on at the airport while traveling to one of the recent signings. Most folks just chuckle when they read the shirt, but then come the questions.
“Are you an author?”
Yes.
“What do you write?”
Comedies.
And then the one I dread most.
“What are the titles?”
Why do I dread this question? Because it usually leads to someone’s discomfort, mine or theirs and sometimes even both. Why?
Think about it. There’s quite a few people sitting around at the airport waiting for their flight. When somebody asks “Are you an author” and the answer is in the affirmative, some folks in the vicinity take notice. Their ages vary, both genders are present and some folks are even traveling with their kids. My preference is simply to leave it at that I write comedies and not because I’m ashamed of what I write. I’m not. I’m not ashamed to be gay either and I don’t feel I’m going to hell just because of who I feel romantically inclined towards.
But at the same time, while I tend to surround myself with family and friends who feel similarly, it’s a different story when you’re in public. Not everybody is as open-minded, especially if they have younger children with them. Their minds go right to what they’ve heard some of the media report, some (notice I use the words “some”) of what their religious leaders tell them and all the worst things come to mind.
The simple solution is to remember not to wear that sweatshirt while I’m out and about. On the other hand, why shouldn’t I be able to wear it? Why–in a slightly more enlightened world–should I not be able to tell folks about my work without feeling odd about it?
But I do feel odd. I don’t like the looks. I don’t like the stares. “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation” kinda says it all for them. And “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” or “Gaylias”? Same thing. There’s suddenly “one of those” around them.
Not everybody reacts in a negative way, though. There’s just enough of them who do that spoil it and make me not want to talk about a part of my life I’m actually very proud of.
So I guess I remain torn.
Have other writers come across this? If so, what did you do? And even if you’re not a writer, how would you react if faced with a similar situation?
It’s always awkward. I tell ppl I write, and then they say “I haven’t seen your books” and I say they’re written under a pseudonym (not because I’m ashamed but because my real name is so common you get a million google hits if you search for it) and they ask what I write, and then……..
That is a fun topic. Generally for me, the topic doesn’t come up. I’m a person who is not only proud of being gay, but proud of the stories I’ve published, so I have no problem bragging to anyone who wants to listen. And for those who give me that look? Screw ‘em. They don’t ask my approve of their lifestyle, and I don’t ask for theirs. Also, I think it helps spread the word that there are gay people out there, so get used to it.
That said, my hubby always becomes uncomfortable when I talk about my work, even in an all gay gathering. I think it’s a Chinese thing about bragging, and he hates it when I do. So I generally have learned to say little or nothing unless asked.
You have a very calming effect on people, Alan, and I suspect that helps when you are explaining something to them. It’s one of the qualities I’ve come to really appreciate about you. I don’t quite have that working in my favor.
Maybe my guy has shifted some of the Chinese bragging discomfort to me, though I’m not sure we’re bragging per se. I just don’t like that flash people get on their face like I’m a leper or something worse.
I tend to shut my trap. The conversation always leads to a query about how “I’ve never seen your name or titles at Borders” or suchlike. It quickly spins out into embarrassed grimaces. It’s also true we each have very specific tastes & interests in reading, regardless of the gay thing, so my work simply might not fit the other person’s expectations.
Try having a name like Dorien Grey. When I say I’m an author, they ask “Oh, how can I find your books?’ And when I say “Look for Dorien Grey” and they say “Oh, yes, I’m sure I’ve read one of your books.” Uh, that would be nice but 99.9 times out of a hundred they’re thinking of Oscar Wilde.
@George There are thousands of authors at Borders. How in the world could they possibly see them all? I think if I was met with a comment like that, my automatic before-I-even-thought-about-it response would be “Well, I have.”
But, like you, I tend to get very quiet.
I wonder if it isn’t a bit of a double-edged sword. We’re called activists with an agenda if we answer with some amount of enthusiasm and defense of our work and potentially ashamed if we don’t. It’s a very odd position to be in.
@Dorien Now, if I ran into you on the street and you introduced yourself to me, I would of course not only beg for your autograph, but I’d also probably tell you that I don’t need to read your books because I saw the movie!
Yea, I definitely get the “oh, are you related to James Taylor?” Of COURSE, I’m related to JAMES TAYLOR. Just not the James Taylor that you’re thinking about douche-hole. (Yes, I just said douche-hole.) LoL.
Hmm. No one knows me from Adam, but when I first came out, (not that long ago, as well you know) I was REAL in your face about it with people I knew. But I still was pretty quiet to people I didn’t know. It took me a LONG time to work up the nerve to walk into the GLBT center.(Must the sign be that big, and that..rainbow-ey??) But I did eventually do it. And I was glad I did. Now I do AIDS walks, political rallies for gay rights, and pride marches. Of course, I’m surrounded by other gay people, and very comfortable. When it’s just me, on my own, I don’t advertise. I have friends who do, and I’m always admiring how brave they are, but I don’t think I have that in me just yet. I’m not ashamed, but I am afraid. Not just for me, but for my kids, and some of my family. I guess I kind of have to wonder too, straight people don’t have to “admit” to people they’re straight, or be open about that very private part of their lives. Why do we have to? I don’t envy you that problem, Kage.